Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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