So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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