just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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