Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
