I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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