Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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