Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dignity is for republicans.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
