Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So squirting runs in the family.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
