There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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