If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
