I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
