I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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