So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
