remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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