Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
