She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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