I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
