So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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