Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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