I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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