I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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