I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
