I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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