i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
