i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
