College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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