so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
