I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
