Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
