Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
