I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
