I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
