my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
