I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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