forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
