4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
