so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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