it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
