Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't make out with my wife yet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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