You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
