all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
