How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
