It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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