Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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