Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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