i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
