she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
