remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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