just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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