Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
