I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
