That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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