I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
